Songwriting Log: "Waiting In The Deep"
Jul. 5th, 2008 11:14 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
fleetfootmikeAfter I wrote my post on songwriting, I thought I might try and chronicle the creation of a song at some point.
I wasn't expecting Waiting In The Deep quite so soon, but since it's fresh in my mind, I'll see what I can do. Basically, I'm reconstructing this from memory and the crossings out in my Moleskine!
I've noticed most of my songs have a somewhat British/English/folky tinge of late, and I was casting about for other bits of Britishness that could be made into a song. Arthur's an obvious one, but the lovely Heather Dale rather has the monopoly on those, so I set that aside as an idea.
I woke up this morning, still pondering songs, and for some reason pondering the really iconic bits of the Arthurian legend - Excalibur in the stone, and being cast at the end into the lake and being caught 'by an arm clothed in white samite' as the retelling I'm familiar with has it. And I wondered what happened after...
The title 'Waiting In The Dark' popped into my head, and my immediate thought was 'nah, sounds like Merlin' (as done by Dave Clement among others). 'Waiting In The Deep' sounded better, which would tend to suggest Excalibur's still down there....
I scribbled the possible title in my Moleskine over supper with![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
bardling, little_cinnamon, callylevy and djbp, and let it fester while we drove home.
So, thinks I, what's it doing down there? Watching, waiting. That's a nice couple of words we'll save for a chorusy thing. Been there a while. Centuries? Nah. Probably about 1500 years. That won't scan nicely, so... a thousand years. And more, actually. There's the first line: A thousand years and more have passed. Since... um... oh. Since last I saw the light of day. OK, That's good. Except it doesn't feel like verse one, so let's try it as verse 2.
Ok. Swords, and daylight. Sunlight reflecting off polished metal? Hrm. What does sunlight do? Flash. No. Flare. That's good. Since sunlight flared on shining steel.. Hrm. Don't like the repeat of 'since'. Saw sunlight flare.... Better. Except swords don't see. Felt.... Better yet.
First crunch decision. Does the line I haven't written yet need to rhyme with 'day'? I think so. Hrm. 'Say', 'pray', 'way'... Not liking any of these. Maybe line 2 needs to change. Hrm. Sun. 'Sky'... Ahah. Since... ah. Since I was drawn beneath the sky.. That's better. 'Die' is a good swordy word. Live, die. Hrm. Ooo. Let's give it just a hint of arrogance? Chose who should live and who should die.. Cool. Hrm. Is that a verse? Not really. Too short, but it's a half verse.
I wonder.. hrm. I rest here deep beneath the waves... Could be a good verse one, but... somehow it feels like a last verse. Let's see what we can do with that scansion pattern. Lake. Lady. Oo. What happened to her? Maybe she's down here too? And why hasn't this sword gone rusty. Must be magic. That's a good two syllable word that fits the scansion, and 'lake' rhymes with 'wake'. Bingo. Beside the Lady of the Lake / Magic keeps me sharp and bright / And keeps her safe until she wakes. Close, but... not just any magic, but her magic, which makes for cleaner scansion. And let's ditch the second 'kept' in favour of holds her safe...
Hrm. Need a second half verse. Back to verse two. Time passing. Why should a piece of steel care, if it's not rusting. It's just waiting patiently. Steel... no... Cold steel knows only patience.... Oo. That's a nice semi-hook, we could vary that from verse to verse. I like the sound of Cold steel knows only violence... for later. What else? Heeds not the turning of the years.... Cliche, but good cliche :) On a roll here. Pays no heed.... Bah. Used 'heed' already. Oh, ok - Pays no mind to passing lifetimes. Let's grab that chorusy idea - Watching, waiting. For what? For the call..., obviously. To do what? Rise up and ... Hrm. Let's refer this back to the start of the verse, perhaps. For the call to rise and greet the sun again.
Ok. That's a verse, and it has structure we can reuse in other verses, and even parts of lines. Where next? Let's go back to the last verse, which is starting to look like it'll be verse four. This is the big finish, so... the whole Arthur legend about him coming back in time of need. Excalibur's loyal to him and to Britain. Lessee... Cold steel is loyal.... Doesn't scan, and I like that 'cold steel knows'. Let's fiddle. Cold steel knows its allegiance... Wonder if I get points for using 'allegiance' in a song? Wait, does it scan? Yes, close enough. Can we get 'turning of the years' in again? Maybe. Hang on. Allegiance to whom? Arthur... no, better. To Britain,.... Oh! ...through the turning years.. What's next? Oh, right. Pays no mind to passing........ Hrm. Two syllable word. Ah! ...fancies / Watching / Waiting. That'll do. May change it later.
Y'know, I want the big finish here, a repeated last line. Let's leave this till later. How about verse one?
Introduction time. But let's be cryptic, 'cause I like messing with folks heads. I lie here.... Where? ...in the dark and cold. Hrm. Doesn't explain where. In the water. Lake? Pool? 'Water' fits the scansion pattern. In water.... Tame. I like 'neath', for that slightly 'old' touch. 'Neath water cold and still and deep. Nice, but I already used 'cold'. One syllable words that fit? 'Cool'? Naah. 'Calm'. Better. ...in the dark and calm, then. Ok. Need to rhyme with 'deep'. 'Sleep' seems a great choice. Who sleeps? Arthur. In Avalon, according to the legend. So... Avalon ... something...sleep. C'mon, there must be something. 'Magic'? Lame. 'Mysterious'. Lame squared. Um. I need a thesaurus. Magic. AH! Avalon's enchanted sleep.. So. Need a line that says 'Arthur rests'? What's Arthur to Excalibur? His wielder. He who wielded me does.... Note to self. Kill yourself if that use of 'does' makes it into this song. So, not 'wielded'. 'Bore'. He who bore me.... Something... um. Oh! ...likewise rests..
On to the second half. So. Cold steel knows only... Hrm. ...silence? Yeah. That fits. But... ...darkness does too, and it's better, ties back to the start. Now the 'turning years' line. Um. How can we describe Excalibur? Lost, maybe? Waiting? Hidden? Mmm. Hidden through the turning years. Good. Pays no heed to.... Um. What? Passing fish? Nah. That's going to sound silly. This verse is largely about the lake, so... something ...and water. One syllable? Wind.... That'll do. Watching / Waiting / For the call to.... Same as verse two? No. That line was geared to the start of the verse, so lets vary it again. Scratch head, ponder for a few minutes. Ahah! ...to wake and rise in time of need.
We really do need another verse here, about Excalibur the sword as a sword. And I want to use that Cold steel knows only violence line. Ohhkay. Swords are... forged. They kill people. They get stuck in stones.... um. Hang on. Forged in.... Fire and water, I guess. Doesn't work that way round, though. Forged in water and in fire... That scans. Really it's Quenched in water though, but hey. Ooo. Wait. Remember the Conan movie where a sword gets quenched in blood? Quenched in blood. And.. ooo... ...set in stone.. That was easy. What happened next? Oh. Arthur pulled it out! And what rhymes with stone? Um. 'Own'. Arthur claimed me for his own. Sure I've used something like that in one of my other songs. Um. What else? 'Throne'? That has promise. ...Britain's throne scans, too. Let's see. Arthur drew me,.... something / With me laid claim to Britain's throne. That works. Three syllables for the gap. What do you do with a sword? Thinkthinkthink Held me high.... Finally. Ok. Onwards.
For cold steel knows only violence.... YES! Got it in. The 'turning years' bit. Better be something 'swordy'. Edge... Ah! ...still sharp.. No. keen! Better. ...through turning years / Pays no heed to passing... Vacancy for a two syllable word. What've we used further up the verse? 'Britain's throne'. Hrm. AH! ...kingdoms / Watching / Waiting / For the call to.... Need more 'swordy' words. How about draw me from.... Um. From where? The lake, I guess. Let's be poetic. ..from the deep again..
Shiny. Now we just need the big finish.
Ok. Let's steal one or two of the ends of previous verses. For the call to wake and rise in time of need / the call to draw me from the deep.... Hrm. Almost. And I think I want it to rhyme. Let's try a different one? For the call to rise and greet the light.... 'Light'. hrm. 'fight'. Easy. OK. Oo. The call to draw me for the fight? No. Don't like the repetition of 'call'. The.. oh! Brilliant. The hand to draw me....
Needs two more lines. Oh, WOW. 'Excalibur' scans to the first four syllables of the line. Excalibur shall... Um. Help. Oh. ...heed his call. Peachy, but I already used 'call' twice and rejected it once! And need a rhyme too, and 'call's tough to find useful rhymes for. 'All'? 'ball'? (gimme a break!) 'Wall?'. Ditch it. And we need to mention Arthur, too, in the finale! Um. When Arthur wakes.... Like that, I do. Wakes to what? Much thinking. AH! ...aid this land.. Heh. 'Land'. 'Hand'. Gotta be a rhyme there. Excalibur will.... Bingo. Come to hand / again.
Ladies and gents, we have a lyric.
Next time? The tune!
.
I wasn't expecting Waiting In The Deep quite so soon, but since it's fresh in my mind, I'll see what I can do. Basically, I'm reconstructing this from memory and the crossings out in my Moleskine!
I've noticed most of my songs have a somewhat British/English/folky tinge of late, and I was casting about for other bits of Britishness that could be made into a song. Arthur's an obvious one, but the lovely Heather Dale rather has the monopoly on those, so I set that aside as an idea.
I woke up this morning, still pondering songs, and for some reason pondering the really iconic bits of the Arthurian legend - Excalibur in the stone, and being cast at the end into the lake and being caught 'by an arm clothed in white samite' as the retelling I'm familiar with has it. And I wondered what happened after...
The title 'Waiting In The Dark' popped into my head, and my immediate thought was 'nah, sounds like Merlin' (as done by Dave Clement among others). 'Waiting In The Deep' sounded better, which would tend to suggest Excalibur's still down there....
I scribbled the possible title in my Moleskine over supper with
bardling, little_cinnamon, callylevy and djbp, and let it fester while we drove home. So, thinks I, what's it doing down there? Watching, waiting. That's a nice couple of words we'll save for a chorusy thing. Been there a while. Centuries? Nah. Probably about 1500 years. That won't scan nicely, so... a thousand years. And more, actually. There's the first line: A thousand years and more have passed. Since... um... oh. Since last I saw the light of day. OK, That's good. Except it doesn't feel like verse one, so let's try it as verse 2.
Ok. Swords, and daylight. Sunlight reflecting off polished metal? Hrm. What does sunlight do? Flash. No. Flare. That's good. Since sunlight flared on shining steel.. Hrm. Don't like the repeat of 'since'. Saw sunlight flare.... Better. Except swords don't see. Felt.... Better yet.
First crunch decision. Does the line I haven't written yet need to rhyme with 'day'? I think so. Hrm. 'Say', 'pray', 'way'... Not liking any of these. Maybe line 2 needs to change. Hrm. Sun. 'Sky'... Ahah. Since... ah. Since I was drawn beneath the sky.. That's better. 'Die' is a good swordy word. Live, die. Hrm. Ooo. Let's give it just a hint of arrogance? Chose who should live and who should die.. Cool. Hrm. Is that a verse? Not really. Too short, but it's a half verse.
I wonder.. hrm. I rest here deep beneath the waves... Could be a good verse one, but... somehow it feels like a last verse. Let's see what we can do with that scansion pattern. Lake. Lady. Oo. What happened to her? Maybe she's down here too? And why hasn't this sword gone rusty. Must be magic. That's a good two syllable word that fits the scansion, and 'lake' rhymes with 'wake'. Bingo. Beside the Lady of the Lake / Magic keeps me sharp and bright / And keeps her safe until she wakes. Close, but... not just any magic, but her magic, which makes for cleaner scansion. And let's ditch the second 'kept' in favour of holds her safe...
Hrm. Need a second half verse. Back to verse two. Time passing. Why should a piece of steel care, if it's not rusting. It's just waiting patiently. Steel... no... Cold steel knows only patience.... Oo. That's a nice semi-hook, we could vary that from verse to verse. I like the sound of Cold steel knows only violence... for later. What else? Heeds not the turning of the years.... Cliche, but good cliche :) On a roll here. Pays no heed.... Bah. Used 'heed' already. Oh, ok - Pays no mind to passing lifetimes. Let's grab that chorusy idea - Watching, waiting. For what? For the call..., obviously. To do what? Rise up and ... Hrm. Let's refer this back to the start of the verse, perhaps. For the call to rise and greet the sun again.
Ok. That's a verse, and it has structure we can reuse in other verses, and even parts of lines. Where next? Let's go back to the last verse, which is starting to look like it'll be verse four. This is the big finish, so... the whole Arthur legend about him coming back in time of need. Excalibur's loyal to him and to Britain. Lessee... Cold steel is loyal.... Doesn't scan, and I like that 'cold steel knows'. Let's fiddle. Cold steel knows its allegiance... Wonder if I get points for using 'allegiance' in a song? Wait, does it scan? Yes, close enough. Can we get 'turning of the years' in again? Maybe. Hang on. Allegiance to whom? Arthur... no, better. To Britain,.... Oh! ...through the turning years.. What's next? Oh, right. Pays no mind to passing........ Hrm. Two syllable word. Ah! ...fancies / Watching / Waiting. That'll do. May change it later.
Y'know, I want the big finish here, a repeated last line. Let's leave this till later. How about verse one?
Introduction time. But let's be cryptic, 'cause I like messing with folks heads. I lie here.... Where? ...in the dark and cold. Hrm. Doesn't explain where. In the water. Lake? Pool? 'Water' fits the scansion pattern. In water.... Tame. I like 'neath', for that slightly 'old' touch. 'Neath water cold and still and deep. Nice, but I already used 'cold'. One syllable words that fit? 'Cool'? Naah. 'Calm'. Better. ...in the dark and calm, then. Ok. Need to rhyme with 'deep'. 'Sleep' seems a great choice. Who sleeps? Arthur. In Avalon, according to the legend. So... Avalon ... something...sleep. C'mon, there must be something. 'Magic'? Lame. 'Mysterious'. Lame squared. Um. I need a thesaurus. Magic. AH! Avalon's enchanted sleep.. So. Need a line that says 'Arthur rests'? What's Arthur to Excalibur? His wielder. He who wielded me does.... Note to self. Kill yourself if that use of 'does' makes it into this song. So, not 'wielded'. 'Bore'. He who bore me.... Something... um. Oh! ...likewise rests..
On to the second half. So. Cold steel knows only... Hrm. ...silence? Yeah. That fits. But... ...darkness does too, and it's better, ties back to the start. Now the 'turning years' line. Um. How can we describe Excalibur? Lost, maybe? Waiting? Hidden? Mmm. Hidden through the turning years. Good. Pays no heed to.... Um. What? Passing fish? Nah. That's going to sound silly. This verse is largely about the lake, so... something ...and water. One syllable? Wind.... That'll do. Watching / Waiting / For the call to.... Same as verse two? No. That line was geared to the start of the verse, so lets vary it again. Scratch head, ponder for a few minutes. Ahah! ...to wake and rise in time of need.
We really do need another verse here, about Excalibur the sword as a sword. And I want to use that Cold steel knows only violence line. Ohhkay. Swords are... forged. They kill people. They get stuck in stones.... um. Hang on. Forged in.... Fire and water, I guess. Doesn't work that way round, though. Forged in water and in fire... That scans. Really it's Quenched in water though, but hey. Ooo. Wait. Remember the Conan movie where a sword gets quenched in blood? Quenched in blood. And.. ooo... ...set in stone.. That was easy. What happened next? Oh. Arthur pulled it out! And what rhymes with stone? Um. 'Own'. Arthur claimed me for his own. Sure I've used something like that in one of my other songs. Um. What else? 'Throne'? That has promise. ...Britain's throne scans, too. Let's see. Arthur drew me,.... something / With me laid claim to Britain's throne. That works. Three syllables for the gap. What do you do with a sword? Thinkthinkthink Held me high.... Finally. Ok. Onwards.
For cold steel knows only violence.... YES! Got it in. The 'turning years' bit. Better be something 'swordy'. Edge... Ah! ...still sharp.. No. keen! Better. ...through turning years / Pays no heed to passing... Vacancy for a two syllable word. What've we used further up the verse? 'Britain's throne'. Hrm. AH! ...kingdoms / Watching / Waiting / For the call to.... Need more 'swordy' words. How about draw me from.... Um. From where? The lake, I guess. Let's be poetic. ..from the deep again..
Shiny. Now we just need the big finish.
Ok. Let's steal one or two of the ends of previous verses. For the call to wake and rise in time of need / the call to draw me from the deep.... Hrm. Almost. And I think I want it to rhyme. Let's try a different one? For the call to rise and greet the light.... 'Light'. hrm. 'fight'. Easy. OK. Oo. The call to draw me for the fight? No. Don't like the repetition of 'call'. The.. oh! Brilliant. The hand to draw me....
Needs two more lines. Oh, WOW. 'Excalibur' scans to the first four syllables of the line. Excalibur shall... Um. Help. Oh. ...heed his call. Peachy, but I already used 'call' twice and rejected it once! And need a rhyme too, and 'call's tough to find useful rhymes for. 'All'? 'ball'? (gimme a break!) 'Wall?'. Ditch it. And we need to mention Arthur, too, in the finale! Um. When Arthur wakes.... Like that, I do. Wakes to what? Much thinking. AH! ...aid this land.. Heh. 'Land'. 'Hand'. Gotta be a rhyme there. Excalibur will.... Bingo. Come to hand / again.
Ladies and gents, we have a lyric.
Next time? The tune!
.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
Thanks!
Date: 2008-07-06 12:23 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-06 08:56 am (UTC)But seriously-- wow, you think.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-06 09:07 pm (UTC)To a degree, I'm documenting the decisions that went into an almost continuous 'choose/reject/choose again' process. Not all of the thoughts were articulated to that extent, but they were the rational reasons behind the choices. And, to be honest? A lot of that's practice!
(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-06 09:06 am (UTC)Thank you
(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-06 10:40 am (UTC)